At some point in life, you may experience a period so disorienting and painful that it feels as if everything you once believed has collapsed. It’s called the dark night of the soul. While this can be a very tough period, it’s also a profound invitation to shed old layers and awaken to a deeper, more authentic version of yourself.
In this article, we’ll explore what the dark night of the soul truly is, how it feels, why it happens. You’ll learn how to navigate it with grace and resilience and to see it as an important and valuable phase of growth.
What is the Dark Night of the Soul?
A dark night of the soul is a period in life that you may experience once or multiple times, where your beliefs, values, and desires begin to shift. You realize that the way you’ve been living no longer works for you, and you start searching for new ways to move forward. But the path ahead isn’t clear, hence why it’s called a dark night.
Although a dark night of the soul phase feels bad and disorienting, it’s actually good. It’s a sign you’re growing and moving into a new phase. You’re realizing the way you’ve been living no longer works for you.
It’s not a punishment or a result of bad karma. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s a natural part of life. Being happy all the time isn’t possible—and it wouldn’t be healthy. Never questioning existence is nearly impossible, and doing so is often essential for moving into the next phase.
Where did the term originate?
The phrase first appeared in the writings of St. John of the Cross, a 16th-century Spanish mystic and poet. He referred to it as “La noche oscura del alma” in his poem, titled Dark Night. John of the Cross defined it as the soul’s departure from worldly attachments into a place of divine intimacy, but only through a process of painful purification.
A similar concept to the “spiritual depression” found in many spiritual and religious traditions also appears here. In Buddhism, it’s sometimes called “falling into the pit of the void.” In traditional therapy, a person going through a dark night might easily be defined—or misdiagnosed—as experiencing a stage of depression. While there are similar qualities, a dark night typically includes a shred of hope and a willingness to keep going. Depression, on the other hand, is more debilitating and is considered a mental illness that occurs when the brain isn’t producing the chemicals needed to help us feel balanced.
This experience is meant to guide you from an old stage of life to a new one that’s closer to your purpose. Just as a butterfly—a symbol often used to represent transformation—can’t gain its wings until it first becomes a caterpillar, dissolves into mush inside a cocoon (an unpleasant but essential process), we too go through similar transitions in order to grow.
If you’re experiencing a dark night of the soul, think of it as an important moment to evaluate your life. It can lead to profound transformation and growth.
How does a Dark Night feel?
When you’re in a dark night of the soul phase the part of you people call the soul, which is often characterized by your inner sense or gut feeling that helps you make decisions and know what you want, feels like it’s gone. You feel like you’re mentally in the dark every day, unsure of where you’re going. You might ask yourself, What should I do next with my life? where the only answer you get is, I don’t know.
This confusion and lack of clarity can create a sense of being stuck and powerless. It may even feel like this phase will never end. You may have many reflections on life. It might feel as if your head is spinning as you reconsider beliefs you’ve held true for years. You feel like you’re in the dark and purposeless. Life feels dull.
If you’re experiencing a dark night of the soul period it can feel like:
- Confusion and helplessness
- Loss of personal will and purpose
- Deep emotional and spiritual fog isolation
- That your old ways of thinking and living no longer fit
- A deep longing for something more, without knowing what that is
It’s the death of the old self and the beginning of something new
Here are how other spiritual teachers and scientists describe it:
Spiritual teacher and author, Eckhart Tolle, calls it: “A collapse of the perceived meaning in life… a deep sense of meaninglessness.”
Psychologists like Roberto Assagioli and Joseph Campbell have had similar insights:
“The soul has to undergo another test… the ‘dark night’… the crucible where all human elements are melted. But the darkest nights are followed by the most radiant dawns,” said Assagioli
“The dark night comes just before revelation… then comes the new life,” Campbell explained.
According to experts, the dark night of the soul is a sacred stripping down—a death of the egoic self—so that the soul gets closer to what it needs to be. You are moving from an old self to a new improved, higher aspect of self.
A dark night of the soul phase is triggered by:
- Personal tragedy or loss
- Career or identity breakdowns
- Emotional trauma surfacing from the unconscious
Or, it might not be triggered by anything in particular.
How to get through a Dark Night of the Soul
A dark night of the soul feels terrible but it will pass. A more evolved version of you will emerge. If you’re in one now and you feel hopeless, remember that this phase will end and though it feels awful, it is good. You are moving away from what no longer serves you and closer to what does. If you feel lost consider that it’s okay. You might want to isolate yourself so take this as an introspective time.
A dark night of the soul refines and awakens you. It reveals truths and the self beyond identity.
The following three practices are the best ways to work through a dark night of the soul:
Practice 1: Be the positive quality you need to cultivate
Spiritual teacher, Michael Beckwith, says that one of the best ways to feel better during a dark night of the soul stage and to expedite yourself through the process, is to ask the question, “If this phase were to last forever, what quality would I need to be more of?”
For instance, if you ask the question your answer might be, “patience” or “love” or “determined.” Be more of that quality and you will find your situation feels a bit better and you can move through this tough period faster.
Practice 2: Embrace it and go on inward
A therapists may encourage you to“go with the symptom,” using the heavy mood to explore deeper meaning and life purpose. The Navy Seals say “embrace the suck.” It’s a mantra they use to avoid resisting a situation because when you do these you move through it faster.
Consider that you’re in time of inner reflection where you may need to spend more time with yourself. Continue to ask yourself, “what do I want?” and reflect on your beliefs and values by reading self-help resources and doing exercises.
You also want to make sure that you, “Feel your feelings but drop the story,” which is what spiritual leader Pema Chodron suggests. Your feelings are valid. Acknowledge them but don’t ruminate about why they’re there. Also, make sure you aren’t building a story about a situation. For instance, let’s say you lost your job. Embrace the sadness. Don’t build a story around the situation by thinking, I can’t be happy without another job like the one I had, or life will never be better or, I’m a loser.Tthoughts like these aren’t based in reality and won’t serve you. However, if you embrace the emotion you can move through it.
Practice 3: Engage in simple activities that bring joy
Focus on being present and engaging in simple activities you love like walking outside, cooking, or dressing in nice clothes. These small actions that bring joy can spark more of it and help you to reconnect or newly connect with areas of yourself that are in a process of emerging. Be kind and patient with yourself.
Many experts and therapists recommend the following…
- Eating healthy foods
- Getting sunlight
- Spending time in nature
- Engaging in activities such as journaling, mindfulness, mediation, and prayer and doing more of it to ease yourself through this time.
- Reading uplifting books, especially those in the self-help genre that help you explore new dimensions of you to gain clarity are very helpful
- Connecting with people that make you feel good. Even simply hugging or cuddling a partner without talking can be very healing. Physical touch stimulates oxytocin.
- Somatic therapies like breathwork, sauna, cold plunging, denervation tank, massage are all helpful in making you feel good, grounded connected and alive
Also taking time away from others is fine. Don’t feel bad if you need to stay home instead of socializing with friends. There will be a time where you want to re-emerge. You also might want to take a social media pause. This time is about you having conversations with yourself and filtering out the noise around you so you can decide what you want next.
Practice 4: Mediation and mental conditioning
The most effective practices during this time are meditation, mental conditioning, and lingering in positive feeling tones. You can combine these into one ritual to make the process easier and more powerful.
Meditation:
Sit alone in a quiet space. It may feel uncomfortable the first few times you try it, as your mind will likely be full of thoughts. However, the more you practice — sitting quietly for five, ten, or fifteen minutes each day — the better you will become at it. Over time, you’ll begin to crave your meditation sessions, cherishing the peaceful pause they provide in your day. As you deepen your practice, you may even receive brilliant insights.
Mental Conditioning:
If you pray, you can incorporate it into your meditation time. After meditating, take a few minutes to pray — not by asking for something, but by affirming that what you desire is already available to you. This approach is why we refer to it as mental conditioning. Early forms of prayer were not about begging for outcomes but about aligning yourself with what is possible through affirmation. A simple process involves stating one to three things you are grateful for, affirming your connection to all people and things, and then visualizing your desired future as if it is happening now. Feel it vividly and affirm it with statements like, “The opportunities I seek are already available to me. I am grateful to the universe for bringing them into being.”
Be patient and compassionate with yourself
Conjure emotions like joy, abundance, and love. You have felt these emotions before, and you can recall them at any time without needing your external circumstances to change. By doing this, you reclaim your power over your life and mental state, and you naturally attract more of what you want into your experience.
The most important thing to remember about a dark night of the soul is that it does not last forever. Try the practices above to ease your way through the process.
